According
to the Wall Street Journal, nagging is "the interaction in which one
person repeatedly makes a request, the other person repeatedly ignores
it and both become increasingly annoyed". Nagging is an interaction to
which each party contributes.
Nagging, in communication, is a repetitious behaviour in the form of
pestering, hectoring or otherwise continuously urging an individual to
complete previously discussed requests or act on advice.
A common factor and by far the most universal cause that triggers nagging is said to be the unhealthy habits of a spouse.
According to marriage counsellors, nagging is prompted when a partner
feels that his or her valid claims, said or unsaid, have not been
responded to adequately.
When the honeymoon lights fade, they are replaced by sunlight; when
the candlelight flickers, the fluorescent bulbs are switched on, and the
glare reveals the not-so-perfect imperfections of one's partner.
Nagging begins in an effort to perfect one's partner. Primarily in
the mind, but slowly it finds a voice. Nagging is experienced in every
household where one partner tries to dominate the other subconsciously,
or while trying to get a point across.
Nagging by spouses is a frequent marital complaint. According to
psychotherapists, individuals who nag are often "weak, insecure, and
fearful. Their nagging disguises a basic feeling of weakness and
provides an illusion of power and superiority".
Nagging can be found between both male and female spouses, though
usually over different subjects, according to psychologists, husbands'
nagging usually involve finding "fault with their dinner, with the
household bills and with the children", along with "carrying home the
worries of their work'.
A marriage counsellor, Mr Kweku Tsen, finds it difficult to understand when people attribute nagging to women.
According to him, men and women nag but the degree was what made the difference.
To him, nagging had become an issue in marriages because 'men have not appreciated the psychology of women and vice versa'.
'Every human being is a contrasting character and we do not
appreciate each other's psychology' so, according to him, until the
awareness was created before people marry, the issue of one person
nagging the other would always come up.
He has, therefore, called on parents to train their children during
their teenage years to understand and also appreciate the opposite séx
and added that this would help them manage the issue of nagging better
in their relationships in the future.
Mabel, a working mother says, "women take on the lion's share of
nagging". She said because many women found it difficult to directly
communicate their needs, they fell into the fatal trap of whining and
nagging about what they were not getting rather than directly stating
what they wanted, needed, or expected from their partners.
Unfortunately, she says, whining and nagging do not put a man into a
giving mood, thus, a vicious cycle is born.
Although she was quick to add that men also nag, to her the more a
woman nagged, the less likely the man would be responsive to her wishes.
To Mabel, nagging kills relationships, 'it puts your man off', making it difficult for easy communication to take place.
Nagging is sometimes unproductive; psychologically, nagging can act
to reinforce behaviour as a study by the University of Florida found.
The main factors that led a person to nag were differences in "gender,
social distance, and social status and power", the study stated.
Continuous nagging, according to relationship experts, makes one
spouse resentful and defensive and remove him or herself from the one
nagging, physically and emotionally. To experts, nagging is detrimental
to relationships, as it distances one from the other.
Nagging, according to marriage experts, promotes negative and
destructive emotions such as disapproval, condemnation, censure, anger,
irritation, physical and emotional agitation in both partners.